Polyamory & ENM

Relationships Are Complicated Enough Without Having to justify ENM

You shouldn't have to spend half your session explaining that having multiple partners isn't automatically a symptom, that jealousy doesn't mean non-monogamy has failed, or that the goal of therapy isn't necessarily to get everyone back to monogamy.

Polyamorous and ENM relationships can involve many of the same things that show up in any relationship—attachment, insecurity, communication, sex, boundaries, trust, resentment, changing needs, and fear of loss. They can also come with their own complexities: navigating agreements across multiple relationships, mismatched desires for non-monogamy, time and resource allocation, new relationship energy, metamour dynamics, jealousy, compersion, disclosure, hierarchy, and figuring out where your needs fit when more than two people are involved.

The relationship structure isn't automatically the problem.

But being affirming doesn't mean assuming the relationship structure is automatically right for you, either.

That's something we can be curious about together.

Attachment Doesn't Disappear

Just Because You're Non-Monogamous

In fact, adding relationships can illuminate attachment patterns you didn't know were there. A partner's new relationship might activate fears of abandonment. A request for more independence may feel like rejection. Jealousy can turn into attempts to control uncertainty. Or you may notice yourself disconnecting when someone needs more closeness than feels comfortable.

We'll get curious about what happens underneath the reaction rather than simply deciding the reaction is irrational. Because “stop being jealous” isn't particularly useful advice. Understanding what the jealousy is protecting, communicating the need underneath it, learning to tolerate uncertainty, and deciding what boundaries genuinely work for you—that gives us somewhere to go.

Individual Therapy,

Couples Counseling

& Discernment

You don't necessarily need to bring your partner—or partners—to therapy. Individual therapy can be useful when you're trying to understand your own attachment patterns, needs, boundaries, identity, jealousy, or uncertainty about a relationship.

Couples counseling can help partners understand what's showing up in their dynamic, recurring patterns, communicate more effectively, repair attachment injuries, negotiate needs, and determine what a healthier relationship could look like.

And sometimes the real question has become whether the relationship should continue at all. For couples seriously considering separation or divorce but uncertain about which direction to take, I also offer Discernment Counseling, a structured process designed specifically for couples at that crossroads.

FAQs:

Do you only work with people who practice ENM?

No. You might be considering ENM for the first time, returning to it, questioning whether it's right for you, or already have years of experience with non-monogamy. You don't need to identify as polyamorous to talk about non-monogamy in therapy.

What if only one partner wants to open up?

That's exactly the kind of situation where slowing things down can be important. Therapy isn't about convincing either person to change their mind. We can explore what each person wants, what the differences mean for the relationship, and whether there's a path forward that doesn't require someone to abandon themselves to preserve the relationship.

Can we talk about sex and kink?

Yes. My practice is sex-positive and kink-friendly. You shouldn't have to sanitize important parts of your relationships or sexuality before bringing them into therapy.

Do all of my partners need to come to therapy?

No. I work with individuals as well as relationships. Who participates depends on what you're hoping to work on and what format is clinically appropriate.

Ready to Talk About The Parts of Your Relationship That Aren't Working?

You don't need to know whether you want monogamy, polyamory, ENM, something in between—or whether the relationship you're currently in is the one you want to keep. We can start with what's happening now.

Not sure whether your situation fits? Email me.

© 2026. All rights reserved.

Michelle Hansen, MSW, LSW
Colorado Licensed Social Worker
Clinical supervision: Becky Zal-Sanchez, LCSW (CSW.09923198)
Specialized training in Discernment Counseling and divorce recovery