There Isn't One Way to Be Queer

Maybe you've known exactly who you are for years.

Maybe you're questioning something you thought you'd already figured out.

Maybe you came out and discovered that wasn't actually the end of the story.

Or maybe you don't know whether you're “queer enough” to claim the word at all.

Sexuality and gender aren't always neat realizations followed by a triumphant coming-out montage. Identity can evolve. Labels can feel freeing, limiting, both, or neither. What felt right five years ago might not fit anymore. Therapy can give you somewhere to explore those questions without needing to reach a predetermined conclusion.

You Might Be Here Because...

• you're questioning or exploring your sexuality or gender

• coming out—or deciding whether you want to

• trying to understand what a changing identity means for an existing relationship

• wondering whether you're “queer enough”

• navigating attraction that doesn't fit your previous understanding of yourself

• exploring gender expression or presentation

• dealing with family expectations, rejection, or pressure to make yourself easier to understand

• navigating dating, sex, intimacy, or relationships as a queer person

• grieving experiences or relationships you feel you missed

• trying to find community or wondering where you belong

• realizing that the conventional life you worked toward may not actually be the life you want

• queer and neurodivergent, polyamorous, struggling with your body, or dealing with something that has nothing to do with being queer at all

You don't have to separate those parts of yourself before bringing them into therapy.

Affirming Doesn't Mean Making Everything About queerness

Sometimes being queer is the thing you want to talk about. Sometimes it isn't.

Queer-affirming therapy means I won't assume your sexuality or gender is the problem—but I also won't pretend those identities exist in a vacuum. They may affect your relationships, family, body image, sense of safety, belonging, expectations for your future, or the choices you've believed were available to you. And sometimes you might want to spend an entire session talking about your job, your mother, executive dysfunction, a breakup, or why you haven't done the thing you've been avoiding for three weeks.

You get to be a whole person here.

What Do You Actually Want?

A lot of the work I do comes back to this question.

Many of us inherit a surprisingly detailed blueprint for what adulthood is supposed to look like: career, partner, marriage, house, family, gender roles, monogamy, appearance, success. Queerness can disrupt that blueprint—which can be incredibly freeing and disorienting. Once one “supposed to” starts unraveling, you may start questioning the others.

Do I actually want this relationship?

Do I want marriage? Children? Monogamy?

Is this how I want to present myself?

What would I choose if I weren't trying to prove anything to anyone?

Therapy may not give you all the answers, but it can help you get better at recognizing which answers have actually come from you and which are still yours to make.

Queerness Doesn't Exist in a vacuum

It intersects with everything else we're carrying:

For some clients, that's ADHD and neurodivergence—including masking, rejection sensitivity, identity, executive functioning, or years spent wondering why being “normal” seemed easier for everyone else.

For others, it's questioning conventional relationship expectations and exploring polyamory and ethical non-monogamy (ENM).

Food, appearance, gender, desirability, and belonging can also become deeply intertwined, which may show up in eating disorders and body image.

You don't need one therapist for your queerness and another therapist for the rest of you. We can look at how these pieces interact.

Therapy With Me

You are the expert on your identity. I'm not here to assign you a label, decide what your relationships should look like, or tell you what version of yourself is most authentic. I am here to get curious with you.

I'm attachment-based and person-centered, with an active approach to therapy. I draw heavily from CBT, DBT, ACT, and relationship-focused approaches to help clients understand patterns, challenge old assumptions, build practical skills, and make choices that feel more intentional.

Sometimes that means sitting with uncertainty instead of racing toward a label or decision just to make the discomfort go away. And sometimes it means realizing you already know what you want—you've just been scared of what it might mean.

FAQs

Do I need to identify as LGBTQ+ to work with you?

No. You may be questioning, exploring, unlabeled, somewhere in between, not interested in choosing a label, or straight.

You don't need to prove that you belong here, ever.

What if I'm questioning my sexuality or gender while I'm already in a relationship?

You don't have to know what your identity means for your relationship before talking about it. We can explore attraction, identity, commitment, fear, grief, curiosity, and what you actually want without assuming that questioning automatically means your relationship needs to end.

Can we talk about polyamory, kink, or sex?

Yes. My practice is polyamory/ENM-affirming, sex-positive, and kink-friendly. These are welcome parts of the conversation when they're relevant to you.

What if being queer isn't why I'm coming to therapy?

That's completely fine. Queer-affirming therapy doesn't mean sessions have to be about queerness. It means you don't have to wonder whether bringing that part of yourself into the room will be understood.

You Don't Have to Have Yourself Figured Out First

Maybe you know exactly who you are and need support with everything else.

Maybe you're questioning something you thought was settled.

Maybe you're somewhere between “I think this might be true about me” and “oh shit, what does this mean for my life?”

All of those are valid places to start.

Have a question before scheduling? Email me.

© 2026. All rights reserved.

Michelle Hansen, MSW, LSW
Colorado Licensed Social Worker
Clinical supervision: Becky Zal-Sanchez, LCSW (CSW.09923198)
Specialized training in Discernment Counseling and divorce recovery