There Isn't One Way to Be Queer

Maybe you've known exactly who you are for years. Maybe you're questioning something you thought you'd already figured out. Maybe you came out and discovered that wasn't actually the end of the story. Or maybe you don't know whether you're “queer enough” to claim the word at all.

Sexuality and gender aren't always neat realizations followed by a triumphant coming-out montage. Identity can evolve. Labels can feel freeing, limiting, both, or neither. What felt right five years ago might not fit anymore. Therapy can give you somewhere to explore those questions without needing to reach a predetermined conclusion.

Affirming Doesn't Mean Making Everything About queerness

Sometimes being queer is the thing you want to talk about. Sometimes it isn't.

Queer-affirming therapy means I won't assume your sexuality or gender is the problem—but I also won't pretend those identities exist in a vacuum. They may affect your relationships, family, body image, sense of safety, belonging, expectations for your future, or the choices you've believed were available to you. And sometimes you might want to spend an entire session talking about your job, your mom, executive dysfunction, a breakup, or why you haven't done the thing you've been avoiding for three weeks.

You get to be a whole person here.

What Do You Actually Want?

A lot of the work I do comes back to this question.

Many of us inherit a surprisingly detailed blueprint for what adulthood is supposed to look like: career, partner, marriage, house, family, gender roles, monogamy, appearance, success. Queerness can disrupt that blueprint—which can be both freeing and disorienting. Once the “supposed-to's” start unraveling, you may start questioning the others.

Do I actually want this relationship?

Do I want marriage? Children? Monogamy?

Is this how I want to present myself?

What would I choose if I weren't trying to prove anything to anyone?

Therapy may not give you all the answers, but it can help you get better at recognizing which answers you're actually in alignment with.

FAQs:

Do I need to identify as LGBTQ+ to work with you?

No. You may be questioning, exploring, unlabeled, somewhere in between, not interested in choosing a label, or straight.

You don't need to prove that you belong here, ever.

What if I'm questioning my sexuality or gender while I'm already in a relationship?

You don't have to know what your identity means for your relationship before talking about it. We can explore attraction, identity, commitment, fear, grief, curiosity, and what you actually want without assuming that questioning automatically means your relationship needs to end.

Can we talk about polyamory, kink, or sex?

Yes. My practice is polyamory/ENM-affirming, sex-positive, and kink-friendly. These are welcome parts of the conversation when they're relevant to you.

What if being queer isn't why I'm coming to therapy?

That's completely fine. Queer-affirming therapy doesn't mean sessions have to be about queerness. It means you don't have to wonder whether bringing that part of yourself into the room will be understood.

You Don't Have to Have Yourself Figured Out First

Maybe you know exactly who you are and need support with everything else.

Maybe you're questioning something you thought was settled.

Maybe you're somewhere between “I think this might be true about me” and “oh shit, what does this mean for my life?”

All of those are valid places to start.

Have a question before scheduling? Email me.

© 2026. All rights reserved.

Michelle Hansen, MSW, LSW
Colorado Licensed Social Worker
Clinical supervision: Becky Zal-Sanchez, LCSW (CSW.09923198)
Specialized training in Discernment Counseling and divorce recovery